All I Know
by InkJoy
Summary: Past memories threaded through the painful occurrences of today... [TRORY]


A/N: Alrighty… The Twists and Turns of Life have taken a short…break. Translation? I cannot for the life of me figure out what I want to write for the next chapter. It'll come out eventually, though.

This one-parter came to me a while ago and I let it sit after I typed all of it out for a few weeks before I brought it back out and finally put everything in place (I had all of the flashbacks separate from the actual writing). And this id the result of it. I hope it's alright, bearable at least.

To Smile1: Thank you so much for reading this through and giving me your great comments and for the title. You rock! And thank you for giving me the idea of the car flashback. I don't exactly remember how you gave it to me, but I remember that I did get it from you.

All I know

__

-Flashback-

"You love me, right?"  
Rory stared at him, wondering exactly what his motives were. "Sure…" she answered, unsurely.  
"And you'd do anything for me, right?"  
It was then that Rory rolled her eyes and looked away. "What do you want?"  
"What do you mean?"  
She let out a sigh. "I mean exactly that. Whenever you start to ask if I know how much you love me and what I would do for you, it usually ends up with me actually doing something that I most likely don't want to do."  
"Well…that's what friends are for, right?"  
She incredulously stared at him. "First of all, stop using 'right?' at the end of your sentences, and second of all, you don't even talk to me unless you want me to do you a favor," she paused, appearing to be in deep thought, "I'm starting to think you're just using me."  
He just smirked, knowing that she would give in.  
She stared at him for a few minutes, neither of their gazes faltering, then finally let out an exaggerated sigh. "Fine! What do you want?"  
His smirk grew as she plopped down next to him.

-End Flashback-

The door to his room was open and she silently peered in. He was lying down on his bed with his arm draped over his eyes. He had been distant lately, not talking to her unless he absolutely had to. At first, she just thought that he had been in a bad mood, but then that day turned into a week, two weeks. She had become sad with each passing day, each passing minute, and knew that her heart was slowly dying. "Tristan?" she whispered almost silently.  
He didn't move so she assumed that he was asleep or, what she feared, ignoring her. She gave a sad look towards his direction and turned to leave. "Yeah?"  
She closed her eyes for a few seconds, trying to gather up the strength to talk to him about what she should have said a while ago. "I've been wanting to talk to you about something."  
The silence was deafening. He hadn't moved for an eternity, it seemed to Rory. He finally removed his arm and sat up, but kept his gaze on the wall in front of him. "About what?"  
She hated how he was able to cover up his emotions, how she could only read them when he allowed her to. She stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. "The last few days have been…" she paused, not sure of how to word her worry, "…almost unbearable." She took in a deep breath and moved further into the room to stand in front of him. "You haven't been yourself…distant. You've barely spoken two words to me in the last week and I never know where you are and-"  
"So now I have to check in with you?" he cut her off.  
A look of confusion came across her face. "What? No-"  
"'Cause the last time checked, I didn't need to tell you every single move I was planning to make."  
His voice sounded so cold that it brought immediate tears to her eyes. She didn't know how to react to what he said. That wasn't what she was implying at all. She just wanted feel like his girlfriend again, like he cared for her as much as she cared for him. She opened her mouth to say something, but all that came out was a choked sob. She shut her eyes tightly, trying to not let the tears escape. It failed. She quickly stepped away from him and moved to the door. She had to get out of there.

__

-Flashback-

"Oh, my God," Rory exclaimed as her head came into contact with the locker besides Tristan's.

"What's wrong?" he asked, stealing a glance from the corner of his eye.

"People should not be allowed to wake up before noon. There should be a law."

He had a confused expression on his face. "But what about those who have jobs?"

"Fine, they can wake up, but those who wake me up shall suffer endless torture," she groaned.

He smirked, finally understanding the meaning of such a conversation. "Wow, you really aren't a morning person, are you?"

A glare and a growl was all he got in response.

-End flashback-

His eyes didn't move from the wall and it wasn't until Rory slammed the door upon her leaving that he was suddenly awakened. He bolted up from his bed and ran towards the door, down the hall, hoping that he could catch her.

__

-Flashback-

"Have you noticed how much you actually eat?" Tristan interrupted as Rory continued to whine.

She suddenly glared at him. "I'm hungry. I haven't eaten all day. If you deny me the right to eat, I'm going to be kicking you in a place I'm pretty sure you don't want to be kicked."

All of his friends started laughing at the paled expression on his face as he got up and led her to a place that sold food.

-End flashback-

She ran down the stairs, not caring, or even noticing, that her ankles dangerously wobbled every time she skipped steps. His dad was sitting on the couch and quickly got up at the sounds of her desperate attempt.  
"Rory-"  
She just ran passed him and tried to get to the front door, wanting beyond words to get into her car and drive to the comfort of her home. Just as she reached for the handle, a hand came to gently grab her. She slowly turned around, keeping her eyes to the ground, embarrassed that Tristan's dad had seen her like this.  
"What's wrong?" he lightly urged.  
She sighed, a painful gasp of air that further dried her throat. "I-I'm just so tired," she quietly replied as silent tears slid down her cheek.  
He gave an understanding look. He had noticed how Tristan was acting and felt sadness towards the girl that loved him so. "Give me your keys."  
She looked up at him with confusion, still holding onto her car keys.  
He gave a slight chuckle. "There is too much snow for you to be driving around. It isn't safe, especially…" he trailed off, not wanting to put her in further discomfort by pointing out her situation. "You'll stay here tonight and head out in the morning. Better safe than sorry."  
She gave him a small smile, appreciative of how he cared for her. She handed him the keys and muttered a soft 'thank you'.

__

-Flashback-

"It's my birthday, you know?"  
"Oh, yeah?"  
"So…"  
_"So…?"  
"Where's my birthday present?"  
"Well, seeing as how I didn't know it was your birthday today until just a few seconds ago, I'm afraid I don't have anything for you."  
"Alright…but you could give me something now."  
She rose an eyebrow, almost afraid of what she'd get herself into if she replied. "What?"  
He took a step closer to her. "Give me a kiss."  
She scrunched her eyebrows together. "A kiss?"  
"Yep…right here," he said pointing to his lips.  
A look of disgust crossed her face, almost a knee-jerk reaction. "You're kidding, right?"  
He smirked. "Nope." The next few moments were silent, her face stilled with an undecipherable emotion and him staring unfalteringly at her. "Come on," he started, finally breaking the silence, "just one kiss. It's my birthday," he added with a pout, almost whining.  
She rolled her eyes, a regular occurrence in his presence. "Fine," she relented. His smirk grew bigger. "But don't think this means anything," she added as a safety measure.  
"Of course," he replied, his hands slightly up, showing that he was agreeing with her. She stood unmoving, so he took slow steps towards her, time seeming to stretch out as he did so. He rose his eyebrows, telling her silently that it was her move.  
She held back a groan of frustration and rose on her toes. Her lips gently brushed against his as she placed her hands on his hips. She noticed that he kept his hands at his sides, a gesture that showed her he had heard her earlier about it not meaning anything, though she felt him tenderly kissing her back. She tugged lightly on his bottom lip then pulled away from the kiss, taking a couple steps back. She smiled innocently and whispered, "Happy birthday," before turning to walk away.  
He stood in the same spot with an unwavering smile in place._

-End flashback-

Tristan stopped at the top of the stairs, seeing how his father had gotten to her first. He was going to continue down the stairs when he had heard her words. _"I-I'm just so tired." _He stepped back from the first step, not wanting any of them to know of his presence. After a few seconds, he turned around and returned to his room, not failing to notice the double meaning behind her words.

__

-Flashback-

"Get in."

Tristan looked strangely at the girl driving the car. "What?"

She shrugged her shoulders while driving at the same pace he was walking. "Get in."

He gave a small smile. "You do realize that my car is like only ten feet away, right?"

She smirked and put the car in park. He stopped. "Well, here are your two choices: one - getting into that car of yours - alone, might I add - and driving off to wherever it is that you were planning on driving to - alone -, or two - getting into this car with me and having a few hours of fun, or at least what I call fun. Now…what'll it be?"

He smirked and paused for a few seconds, then opened the car door and slid in next to her.

-End flashback-

He lay awake in his bed, not able to fall asleep because of the nagging feeling in his chest. He loved Rory; he had made that clear on several occasions. There was just something in the back of his mind that made him want to pull away from her, make her feel the pain that he was evidently causing now. He sighed. That wasn't what he wanted. He wanted nothing more than to have her in his arms, to hug her, kiss her, hold her tight. He threw his covers off and climbed out of bed, determined to make things right again.

__

-Flashback-

"Hey, sweets. What are you doing?"

"Tristan asked me to pick up this book for him at the bookstore."

Lorelai looked at her for a moment. "Isn't the bookstore on the other side of town?"

"Yeah," she shrugged. When her mother still looked at her oddly, she added, "Well, he told me to hurry, so naturally, I'm taking as long as I can." She smiled as Lorelai nodded her head in understanding.

-End flashback-

She couldn't sleep, no matter how hard she tried. She gave up on lying down and willing sleep to come, so she stood next to the window, peering blankly out as the wind blew the leaves on a nearby tree back and forth, her arms wrapped around her chest.  
Her tears had stopped a couple hours earlier, the only sign of her inner turmoil was her mouth opening as she tried to take in breaths. She wanted desperately to stop taking air in; her heart painfully itched every time she breathed.

__

-Flashback-

She smiled as she saw him downtown, him smiling back once he saw her, too. She beckoned him to come over, using her finger in a teasing way. He smirked and made his way to her, speaking no words. After a few moments, she held her hand out to him and he took it, a little confusion apparent in his eyes. "Dance with me."

He smirked once more, pulling her gently towards him. "There's no music."

"Then we'll never have to stop." She closed her eyes and they swayed back and forth, listening to their own music as onlookers watched the sweet display in passing. She looked up at him a few seconds later, a look in her eyes he couldn't decipher. "Be mine?"

He smiled slightly. "I was always yours."

She smiled back at him at kissed him lightly, him reciprocating.

-End flashback-

He opened the door to the room she was staying in silently, not wanting to wake her if she was asleep. After seeing her silhouette in front of the window, he lightly knocked on the door and asked, "Can I come in?"  
He didn't think she heard him because she stayed quiet for a few seconds before she finally shrugged shoulders and softly whispered, "It's your house."  
He didn't miss the strain in her voice, an obvious sign that she had spent some time crying. He paused momentarily in the doorframe, trying to sort out what he wanted to say to her. He gently shut the door and stood directly behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. She immediately tensed, but forced herself to relax as he lightly rubbed slow circles on her stomach. "You're still here," he stated.  
She tried to see his statement as anything good, that he was glad she was still here, but found nothing of the sort. She felt her heart break a little more. "I tried to leave earlier, but your dad wouldn't let me."  
He nodded, then stayed silent for a few minutes. "I know that I've been an ass," he paused, resting his chin on her left shoulder. "I've just been…out of it." She bowed her head down a little, still not saying anything. "Please forgive me," he softly begged.  
She closed her eyes, hating the affect he had on her. Tears started to fill her eyes and she sniffled. She took a quivering breath in and answered in a small voice, even though her mind was screaming "no!", "Okay."  
He smiled then turned her around and gave her a hug. She hesitantly hugged him back, but he didn't seem to notice. "I promise I'll make it up to you," he declared while pulling away from her.  
She gave him a small smile and almost lost the ability to move when she saw that he was leaning in for a kiss. Her eyes darted back and forth between his, watching as they slowly closed. Her heart began to beat faster and at the last moment, she turned her head slightly so that he kissed her cheek instead.  
He pulled back, the hurt and confusion evident in his eyes. "Rory-"  
She dropped her gaze. "Can we please talk about this later? I'm really tired."  
He didn't seem to want to leave, but agreed, seeing the exhaustion in her eyes. "Okay. I'll see you in the morning." He gave her forehead a light kiss then brought his arms down from around her, leaving the room seconds later.  
After he shut the door, she collapsed onto the ground, letting the tears fall freely down her cheeks. She covered her face with her hands, trying unsuccessfully to muffle the sobs that escaped her already raw throat.

__

-Flashback-

"Hey," Tristan greeted as he wrapped his arms around Rory's waist from behind.

She smiled and finished placing her binder into her locker before turning around in his embrace. "Hey," she greeted back before kissing him.

"You know," he started after they parted, "you sometimes moan a little when we kiss."

She raised an eyebrow, taking his expression in. "Well," she turned from his embrace back to her locker, "I can gag from now on if you don't like that I moan."

"Mary…" he semi-whined, turning her around once more, only to see a smirk on her face. He mock glared, pulling her closer to him. "I like it when you moan," he stated before kissing her again.

-End flashback-

Tristan softly pressed an ear to the door, hearing what he didn't want to be happening. She was crying…again…because of him. He gave a sigh of defeat and slowly walked back to his room.

__

-Flashback-

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. My stomach just hasn't been doing to well."

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" he asked once more.

She nodded. "Besides, if I have to throw up, I can always aim for someone really good."

"I'm not included in that list, right?"

"Well, I can always aim for you if you want."

"I'd prefer if you didn't."

"Okay - keep boyfriend and puke separate - got it."

-End flashback-

After her tears had subsided, she climbed onto her bed and under the covers. Though her body felt bruised and battered from all of the emotions she was going through, it didn't let her slip into sleep.  
_-Flashback-_

"Your heart's beating fast," Rory said while giggling softly.  
Tristan looked down at the top of her head resting on his chest. "Let me feel yours."  
She sat up and took his hand, placing his fingers under her shirt, just below her left breast. "Can you feel it?"  
"Yeah," he paused while taking her other hand and putting it up to his chest, "it's just as fast as mine."

-End flashback-

He kept on tossing and turning. He couldn't sleep. He gave a frustrated groan and got out of his bed once more to head towards Rory's room. As he walked down the hallway, he kept on questioning if she would let him sleep in her bed with her. They had done so in the past on many occasions, but something in the back of his mind made him picture her throwing him out and locking the door afterwards, effectively shutting him out of her life for good.  
As he reached the door, he paused for some time, his hand lingering just a few inches from the door. He took a deep breath and lightly knocked while waiting for an answer.

__

-Flashback-

"How long will you be mine?"  
Tristan looked down into his girlfriend's eyes, his gaze unwavering. "For as long as you'll keep me."

-End flashback-

As soon as she heard the knock, she turned so that her back was facing the door. She didn't think she would have enough energy to face him once more. She knew that she was bound to give in to him sooner or later.

__

-Flashback-

Rory looked over at Tristan curiously as he walked out of the bathroom. "Didn't you tell me once that you only sleep in boxers?"

Tristan walked over to his hamper and discarded his clothes, looking over at her when he was done. He crossed his arms and had a lazy expression on his face. "Didn't you tell me once," he mimicked, "that you don't sleep with a bra?"

She narrowed her eyes slightly. "Answer my question."

"Answer mine," he shot back amused. A small smirk was beginning to appear.

She rose an eyebrow at him then walked over to where he was standing, striping him down to his boxers. He chuckled and soon trailed his hands softly up her back under her shirt and undid the clasp of her bra, gently removing the straps from her shoulders. He smirked at her, the mere thought of her undressing him bringing countless innuendos and remarks, but she just rolled her eyes and led him to the bed, seeking the much-needed sleep.

-End flashback-

He opened the door slightly and saw immediately that she was lying in bed. Thinking that she had fallen asleep because of her earlier declaration, he shut the door and walked almost soundlessly to the bed. He got in seconds later and cradled her body softly against his. He soon fell to sleep.

__

-Flashback-

Lorelai was looking at Rory and Tristan weirdly…something that did not go unnoticed by both teens.

"Mom…?"

"I think you two should get married," she blurted out.

They both simultaneously started to choke on the food that they were eating as Lorelai started to laugh hysterically.

"You-faces-funny-can't breathe!" she exclaimed between breaks of her hysterics. Rory and Tristan glared at the supposed adult and slightly shrunk back from each other.

-End flashback-

The next morning, Rory had woken up a couple hours earlier than she normally would have, telling herself that it had nothing to do with Tristan. She sat in a chair in the kitchen next to the window, a book lying open across her lap.

"Good morning."

Rory looked toward the entrance of the kitchen. "Good morning, Mr. DuGrey."

He gave a slight chuckle and moved further into the kitchen, fixing himself a cup of coffee. "How many times do I have to tell you to call me Ben?"

She gave a smile. "I guess a few more times 'cause I always forget."

It was quiet the next few minutes until Ben had finally settled into the chair across the table from where Rory was sitting. "How's Tristan?"

Rory's eyes shifted down, staring at her book momentarily before looking up at him. "He's okay, better."

"You have to understand why Tristan acts the way he does sometimes," Ben started to explain as Rory shifted her full attention towards him. "He doesn't always know how to convey his feelings. He usually keeps them held up inside and explodes at people he loves."

Rory's eyes shifted downward again and Ben stared into his cup of coffee. "Wow. Didn't know you knew me so well." Her eyes shot up towards Tristan, his jaw clenched and anger apparent in his eyes.

"Tristan…" his father started.

"No," he stated firmly. "If you know me so well, know how I act, what I think, then you'd know that I don't want to talk to you and that," he turned to Rory, "I don't even want to look at you." He turned and walked away.

Ben sighed and ran a hand over his face, a trait that Tristan had also. "I should go check on him."

"Yeah…" Rory replied absentmindedly.

__

-Flashback-

Rory walked up to Tristan, pinching his cheek slightly. "Look…my baby's all growed up!"

-End flashback-

"I think we should break up."

His head shot up, a little faster than he wanted it to. Maybe he hadn't heard right. "What?"

She took what she wanted to be a calming breath and said a little more firmly. "I want to break up."

He stared at her for a moment and she thought that for a moment that he would actually fight for her, that he would apologize for everything that had happened, that he still wanted her to be his. "Why?"

She shook her head softly, everything becoming blurry with the tears in her eyes. She had been crying so much lately that she was vaguely wondering in the back of her mind why she was still able to. "Because of everything. I can't stand the fights and-"

"I apologized for that last night."

She raised her gaze to the wall behind him, hurt at the fact that he hadn't showed a single emotion except for that damned façade that he always wore. It was times like this that she wished she had that kind of reserve, too. "Tristan, it's not just about last night; it's about the past month, maybe more." She paused and looked over at him, noticing that he was staring straight at her. "I just can't take it anymore," she whispered. She waited for him to say something, say anything, but he didn't. She knew that he wouldn't and the thought of her being right about it brought more pangs of hurt to her heart. She looked at him for a few more seconds before walking as calmly as she could to the door then ran the rest of the way home. It no longer mattered that she was gasping for air or that tears were running endlessly down her face or that her hair was knotting in the wind. Her only reason to breathe was now gone.

__

-Flashback-

Tristan smiled from the doorframe as he watched his girlfriend read. She had her knees curled almost up to her chest with her book resting on them and she was slightly leaning back on the couch.

"What are you smiling at?" Tristan was brought out of his reverie by her voice. She didn't look up at him, but he could see the smile forming on her lips.

"You." He leaned against the frame and stared at her even more intently, wanting her to stop what she was doing.

She looked up at him with an eyebrow quirked. "Are you just going to stand there the whole time?"

"If it means I get to watch you, then yes."

She smirked at him then patted the seat next to her. He walked casually over to the couch and sat down next to her. She shifted her position so that her head was resting on his shoulder and he brought his arm around her. "I'm tired, Tristan," she sighed.

He leaned his head back a little so he could look at her. "You've been tired a lot lately. Are you alright?"

She leaned back a little too, looking him in the eyes. "Yeah, I just need to get some coffee in me."

A smirk grew on his face. "Are you sure that's all you want in you?" He raised his eyebrows, amusement dancing in his eyes.

She slapped him on the arm, but still laughed. "Shut up." He chuckled, pulling her into a hug.

-End flashback-

Rory vaguely remembered throwing the door opening and collapsing onto the ground before a pair of arms enveloped her a hug that she held on to dear life for. She was rocked back and forth for a n amount of time she was uncertain of and was just hear sniffling every once in a while before her mom spoke. "Rory, baby, what's wrong?"

She looked around the room tiredly, realizing for the first time that she was sitting on the couch cradled in her mother's arms. "He's no longer mine," came out the shaky whisper before her eyes watered up again.

__

-Flashback-

"What are you up to, boyfriend of mine?" Rory asked as she draped her arms on top of Tristan's shoulders from behind. He didn't respond, but she felt him tense under her touch. She frowned slightly then moved in front of him. "What's wrong?"

He avoided eye contact. "Nothing."

Her eyebrows drew together. "I don't believe you."

He gave a huge sigh and slouched. "You don't have to believe me."

"No…when you aren't telling the truth, you don't look into my eyes and your voice sounds…different."

"Rory, I'm fine!" She visibly flinched as his voice rose. "God-just…I have to go." He shook his head slightly and got up, moving toward the door.

"Wait," she got up and grabbed his hand in hers, "Tristan, please don't leave mad." Her eyes pleaded with his to stay, to talk to her, but the emotion on his face didn't change or falter. He pulled his hand from hers, too harshly for his liking, but he didn't think twice to even apologize. What's done is done. The door slammed after his body moved through the frame, causing Rory to once again flinch at the sound and, not moments later, break down in the tears that had been held in for far too long.

-End flashback-

She opened her eyes and immediately squinted, trying to adjust to the amount of sunlight that was pouring in. She yawned slightly and felt like her skin was breaking, reducing the feeling down to the fact that she had spent the better part of the night crying her eyes out. She turned around on her bed, only to find that her mother was awake on the other side. "Hey."

Her mother smiled softly back at her. "Good morning, kid."

Rory took a couple of deep breaths then looked back up at her mom. "My heart hurts," she whispered.  
"What?" Lorelai asked, not able to judge if she had heard right.  
"My heart hurts," she said a little louder. "It hurts so much that I sometimes think it'll just stop working."

__

-Flashback-

"Rory, can I please talk to you?"

She shut her eyes and felt her resolve to not speak to him slowly slip away. "Fine." She turned to him, shaking her arm out of his grasp.

He paused for a moment, looking down at the ground before bringing his gaze back up to her. "I'm sorry."

She shut her eyes momentarily while shaking her head. Where was that a month ago?_ she asked silently._

When she turned to walk away, his hand closed around her wrist once more, turning her to face him again. "I know that I have been the worst boyfriend. I've been a complete wreck since we broke up and I just- I need you."

-End flashback-

"I'm sorry," she whispered almost silently, wiping a tear that found its way down her cheek. His face softened as he stepped closer to her, bringing his hand up to caress her cheek. She stepped back abruptly, pushing his hand away. She looked up into his confused eyes, finally allowing the tears she had held back to fall. "No...I'm sorry I ever met you." She looked down after her words were spoken, pausing for only a few short seconds, then turning around to run out the door.

__

-finis

A/N: Probably not my best work, if I do indeed have any good work in the first place. Please tell me what you think.

A friend sent this to me one day and I thought that it was _so_ sweet. Thought I should share with those of you who haven't seen it before.

__

A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty, he said...no.  
She asked him if he would want to be with her forever....and he said no.  
She then asked him if she were to leave, would he cry, and once again he replied with a no.  
She had heard enough.  
As she walked away, tears streaming down her face, the boy grabbed her arm and said....  
You're not pretty, you're beautiful.  
I don't want to be with you forever. I NEED to be with you forever.  
And I wouldn't cry if you walked away...I'd die...

Thanks again to Lindsay and to everyone who has read.


End file.
